Musings of an Elementary Mom

We have lived in this neighborhood since its infancy.  My children have gone to the neighborhood elementary school since about the time it opened.  We have had at least one child in that school for the past six years and expect to be there several more.

This morning during drop-off, it occurred to me we have been here a long, long time and as a result, I have a handle on things (kinda).

For instance:

- When my oldest was in Kindergarten, I always (always) looked dressed and made-up before going into the school.  Now I make sure there is no spinach in my teeth and at least try to have bathed in the last 24 hours.

- I have road rage in the drop off line.  I do.  Truly.  I turn into one of those yelling people from "Mr. Mom."  Seriously, pull all - ALL - the way up to the end of the line and let out your kid.  If your small Kindergarten or 1st Grade baby can't handle the weight of your monster SUV doors, do us all a favor and jump out and open your doors to let out your baby while we're all letting out our babies.  We do not mind waiting.  If you wait until you get to the teacher to unload your baby, you're holding up the long line.  If you really need the help of the teacher, please, please drive all the way to the end of the drop-off lane.  You're causing a logjam behind you.  Most of us would rather see your sweatpants-clad bum walk around the car to let out your child while all our children are unloading than wait for you to get the teacher to unload your child.  Don't feel embarrassed about your clothes.  Most of us look the same way and most of us have yet to brush our teeth.

You have nothing to worry about.  A couple years ago a mom pulled over and PARKED in the line, jumped out in curlers, a robe, and slippers to sprint after her child to hand him his forgotten lunch.  We all died laughing, even the teachers.  It never occurred to the poor thing that she could easily have handed the lunch to the kind-hearted teacher standing next to her.

- Also, it's obvious which teachers have a clue about the line.  Stand at the end of the drop-off land, please.  Three more car can fit in if you stand at the end.  The K and 1st parents are relying on you to let out their babies.  If you stand halfway down the row, you STOP traffic.  I adore the good team of teachers out there every other week.  They are flipping awesome.  They run that line like clockwork.  It's fast and efficient.  I love that.

- And, there is no left turn out of the school parking lot during drop off or pick up.  Catch a clue.  There's a sign.  If you get a ticket, I'm happy.  We all are.  All of us veteran moms with our hair askew and coffee in hand know you totally deserve that ticket.  You're causing havoc, blocking visibility, and putting the walking/bike riding kids in danger.  You earned that ticket.

Breathe...   >>>>inhale<<<<   <<<<<exhale>>>>  Ahhhh... Better.

- Ahem.  I have lost all interest in PTA programs.  My kids are the shy ones who will not do the gestures to the songs or smile or do anything but look as if they would rather crawl under the risers.  I have the pictures to prove it.  Alas, every year I paste on a smile and look proud as my children squirm and look as if they have entered one of Dante's Circles of Hell.

- I used to put myself together for the performances.  Now, I wear my "staying at home" clothes and remember to put on shoes.  I thoroughly enjoy watching the difference between the Kindergarten PTA performances and the upper elementary PTA performances.  C'mon, I used to be a rookie Kindergarten mom.  I, too, had my camera out and taped the whole thing.  I, too, wore my make-up, jewelry, and cleanest clothes.  I, too, did my hair.  Now I look like all the other seasoned mothers.  I'm a mom.  I ran out the door as fast I could shove food in the kids and get them in the car in time for the deadline.

- Some of the moms and I have been at the school multiple years, too.  There are a few who were rookies the same year as me and we're still there with our youngest babies.  I notice the new cars.  I notice the new bumper stickers.  I notice the woman who was the rule-breaker back then who is still a rule breaker now who built a monstrosity in her yard - against HOA guidelines - that I have to see every time I walk out my door.  I don't like her.  I am not a fan of rule breakers.  She makes left turns out of the parking lot, too.  See?  Road rage.  Sigh.

- Bad attitude about drop-off and pick-up and PTA programs and rule breakers aside, I do firmly believe that the teachers, administrators and I are a team working with my child.  When we have a team-player teacher, I am all in and supportive of them.  When we don't, you better believe I'm up there advocating for my child.  For years I worked hard to not be "that mom."  Eh.

Regardless of my hard-earned wisdom in the elementary world, I'm the newbie at the middle school.  I have no clue how the drop-off and pick-up lines work.  I do not know the ropes there, yet.  I'm just trying to keep my head down and not piss off anyone.  I'm probably doing it all wrong.  Oh, well.  By the time our youngest gets there, I'll have a blog post ready to roll.  Hee.

And, yeah, I kinda wonder what they notice about me.  Kinda.